Mixed Feelings

Yesterday and today have been days of extremely mixed feelings. I did not find out until yesterday afternoon that our lovely little Kayleigh finally surrendered to her long fought battle and went to be with Jesus. This has made me both sad and relieved. Sad for the family who will have to deal with their loss for a very long time and relieved that Kayleigh can now truly rest peacefully with no pain or distress.

Another reason for my mixed feelings is that I have been helping my 17 year old grandson with a research paper. My feelings during this process have included irritation, frustration, happiness, fatigue, exasperation, joy, ignorance, tolerance (you can fill in the blanks) and finally complete and utter pride and fulfillment. Zachary is not now nor ever has been crazy about school. He is finally beginning to see the need for a diploma but this enlightenment is coming at a time when obtaining one is going to require a great deal more effort than it would have had he worked as hard as he has the last couple of days for the last two years. As we began work on this paper on Tuesday afternoon when all he had done were some of his research cards and one handwritten page of his rough draft, having known this paper was due for over two weeks and having had plenty of both in class and out of class time to work on it, I was totally frustrated.

(Ain't he cute, don't tell him I said so.)

After he worked hard yesterday completing his cards and enough of his typewritten rough draft that his teacher accepted it today and gave him an A (hooray): After he worked after school this afternoon, took a break to go visit a friend, went to Bible study, worked on putting the project together, completed the typewritten final draft and printed it out at about 11:00 p.m.: After it is beautifully done, well written, and something that he can be proud of and that I am proud of both for him and of him, I am totally and completely content. Zach, you are a super kid, I just wish you knew that. My feelings tonight have gone to those of being very tired and weary. As my Mama used to say, it's a good tired, one that comes from doing something good even though you really don't feel like it.

I close my post with a poem that I wrote in November, 2004 for Zachary. Hopefully putting it out there for the whole world to see, if they want to, will show him how proud I am of him and encourage him to keep on keeping on. I love you kiddo.

God Bless and goodnight. Mimmy

P.S. My prayers go out to Kayleigh's family. Please do not forget them now that Kayleigh is no longer with us and there won't be any more cute pictures for us to see. They will need us for a very long time.

Who is Zachary

From the day you were born
Until this very day
I have always known that
God planned out a way,

For you to fulfill as
You walk through His world
You just have to find it
And let it unfurl.

Your heart is bigger than
The whole great outdoors,
And your empathy for others
Gets the greatest of scores.

You are smart as a whip
And "cooler" than ice,
And whether you know it
You are really quite nice.

You’re handsome as all get out
And have talent galore
Just let it all out
And in this life you’ll score

Any dream or desire
You have in your heart,
Just let God help you
And then do your part

And you will be happier
Than you’ve ever been
Cause my dearest Zachary
You are more than a ten.

Love you to Heaven and back,
Mimmy